a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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