Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
