Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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