worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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