dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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