Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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