U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
