I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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