This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
