I just made out with a guy for $7.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
