I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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