we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
