This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
