Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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