Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
