you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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