i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
