If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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