i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
