Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
