I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
