It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
