Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
