That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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