that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
