She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
