i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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