JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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