If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ttyl tear gas
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
