The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Randomize
