why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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