I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
