I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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