we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
