I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
