So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
