Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
