we're blogging at a bar
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
