why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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