We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
