I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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