M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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