birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
