Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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