It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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