whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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