I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
