last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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