Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
