Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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