Duck Duck Cougar?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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