he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They are going to name an STD after you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
