She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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