Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
whose parrot is this?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
