i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
