We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
