You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
