the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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