She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
