dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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