Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
