do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my moral compass just broke
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
