So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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