If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
