so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
