I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
