It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
