my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
