she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
