operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
