how can u be prego again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
