Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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