Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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