I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
