he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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