He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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