it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
