the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
