obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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